Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
