someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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