He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
