Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
