its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
