I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize