i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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