then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
