Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
