I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
