I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
