Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
