I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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