I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
