Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
