Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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