First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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