apparently the secret to your success is patron
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
