Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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