I can feel you judging me through the phone.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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