He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
