sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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