my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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