you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
