Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize