last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
