Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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