And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
