i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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