He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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