Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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