i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's never too late to be topless.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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