You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
