when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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