i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
