Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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