I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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