Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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