Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
