We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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