The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
