i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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