Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
