Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize