I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
