i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
