So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
