You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
