the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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