so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
