Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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