I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
