Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize