some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
