She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
