I'm so fucking centered right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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