maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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