margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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