I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I could make wine with my vomit
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
