I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
