if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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