I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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