I wish they made helmets for livers.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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