I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
