absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
