This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
