If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
