respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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