I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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