i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
