you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
